​I try to teach my children not to judge by the "uniform" of what people wear. Not to get caught up with it. It's not the clothes which make a person, it's the person and their deeds which define who a person really is. 


Because you see clothes you take on and you take off. 


If I wear a chassidish garb today it doesn't make me a chassid and if I wear a Mexican pancho it doesn't make me Mexican.  

But, and this is a big but, they do influence. They influence how people perceive me and even how I perceive myself. 

Clothing is to the body what all our outside influences are to our soul.

Everything outside of me doesn't define who I am nor should it control my state of being. Happiness is a state of being and so is being sad. I can put it on or take it off. Just like a shirt or a skirt. BUT, and here we have a big but, it influences.  

So what does this mean? 

It means that just as when I dress it influences how people perceive me and how I perceive myself, so too when I surround myself with positivity or negativity it influences how I feel.

Can I build myself up so strong that nothing should matter, that nothing defines me more than I am? Wouldn't that be wonderful? Yes, but I think only at times and in theory. 

So practically I do what I can to surround myself in positivity. To surround myself in beauty and kedusha (holiness). It's not what makes me, but it influences me.

And when I can't? When there is a test and it pulls me down? When there is too much going on around me that I can't change or control? I go back to remembering that this doesn't define me. It can change like a shirt or a skirt.

​Anxiety. According to the dictionary anxiety is  a feeling of worry, nervousness, or unease, typically about an imminent event or something with an uncertain outcome.


What can we do when we feel anxious? 

The Three "A"s plus...Awareness, Acknowledgement, Acceptance plus Action

We will go through each one...

Awareness. Tune into yourself. What are you anxious about? Can you define it? Where do you feel it in your body? Just have an awareness of it without judging it. 

Now let this awareness flow and open your eyes to an awareness of Hashem. How? Take a step back and ask Him to help you tune into His presence from the smallest things to the biggest things in life. Just having awareness of Hashem's presence, that's He's taking care of you is calming.

I went to the supermarket and there were five scales to self-weigh your fruits and vegetables. I grabbed my onions to weigh at the exact same time that I approached a certain scale that, without my knowing it, the person before me had weighed onions as well. Meaning I didn't have to do a search on the computer for "onions". 

"What are the chances of that? What a chesed!" I thought to myself. 

I felt totally aware of Hashem's kindness in yes, an everyday matter. And this awareness brought me to simple joy. It's a feeling of "I'm being taken care of."

Bring more Awareness into your life. Awareness of yourself-your feelings, emotions, your body. Awareness of your surroundings. Awareness of Hashem. 

Acknowledgement. 

Creating awareness opens up the space to allow us to acknowledge and appreciate. When we recognize all the good bestowed upon us this leads to gratitude. 

It's who we are. יהודים. (Yehudim-Jews). From the word להודות (l'hodot)-gratitude, to thank. We are a people of gratitude and this gratitude is what connects us to Hashem, but first we need to acknowledge what we are grateful for so that we can appreciate it!

Last night at the birth that I attended the statistics were not in the woman's favor for a natural birth. Her first had been a emergency cesarean. Now this baby, the day before, was already estimated at over 9.5 lbs, his head was titled to the side instead of down. 

We tuned into an awareness that anything can happen because Hashem is the one running the show. And there was still a chance, no matter how small that she could have a natural delivery. 

First we saw Hashem's Hand that while she was waiting for doctor's decisions the head turned down. Then a few hours later contractions started on their own. Each step of the way this woman smiled and said, "I am in 7th heaven! I'm feeling a natural contraction, I'm in the birthing room." She said this while in pain and hooked up to many tubes and monitors. She kept seeing all the good and acknowledged each step of the process for what it was, a miracle. She kept thanking Hashem and those of us who were with her. 

And then everything was once again looking dire. The baby's heartbeat kept going down, meconium in her waters. her birth which was progrossing stopped. The doctor's told her that there was no choice and were about to wheel her into the operating room. She kept her composure when I think another would break down. 

She acknowledged the doctor's efforts and asked for a few more minutes. 

They were empathetic but insistent. There was a bit of back and forth and then a miracle happened and the baby was ready to come out. A 9lb plus baby delivered within a few miraculous minutes. Everyone cried.

Yes, a miracle. Big things and little things that occur with each breath.

 Acknowledge one area of your life, one thing where you feel gratitude, where you feel grateful. Acknowledge the people in your life. Create closeness by showing gratitude. 

Instead of  pointing out what’s not working, what went wrong or what is lacking, redirect the negativity by noticing what worked, what did go right and what there is.  
 
When I become aware of the constant kindness and miracles in my life both with regards to Hashem and to those around me, the energy involved from feeling anxious changes directions into a positive energy of gratitude and appreciation.  It gives me hope. I have what to hold onto. It creates connection.


Acknowledge one area of your life, one thing where you feel gratitude, where you feel grateful. It steers the energy involved from feeling anxious to a positive energy of gratitude. 

Acceptance. Such a hard one! To accept that I have no control. To make Hashem's will our will. This one is too hard. It is. So we take a step back and ask Hashem to help us. 

Hashem, help me that I should be able to make YOUR will my will.

Help me to just let go.

To go with what there is, who that person is, what the situation is. To accept and move on. 

With acceptance comes relief. It's a total letting go of control. It's accepting that there are things beyond my responsibilities or capabilities of doing anything about and those things I just need to let go and leave alone. 

Anything else that is within my responsibility and domain to do something about I have to put in the effort.  I take ACTION reminding myself that action is effort. Our effort in itself equates success. The outcomes, in Hashem's hands.

It is so humbling- the process of trying to bring a life into this world. With all the advancements in medicine and with all the latest technology we still return to the same conclusion which is we know so little and lack control.
I will never know why one treatment works for one couple and why one doesn’t. When it comes to conception, a healthy pregnancy, and birth there are simply no formulas, no givens. And so when a woman comes to me and asks me for guidance, direction- we try to educate and give over information. We offer advice and yes, we do look for answers, but in the end, I always tell women on their journey from conception to birth that really, really we have no control. What will work for one, won’t for another and ultimately, I don’t know why except for the simple answer that especially in this matter, we lack control.

So how should a couple approach fertility? When to go to a doctor and seek medical advice and when to run from it! What modalities work and which ones should they stay far away from?

When a couple is facing the challenge of infertility, miscarriage, a high-risk pregnancy, the answers on google are way too contradictory and confusing. What should one do?

My first suggestion, the hardest, but still doable.

Relinquish control and take a step back in the quest to find all the answers. There are just some things that will never be revealed and some questions that don’t have answers. There is no magic diet or method, no magic procedure. It’s a bit of trial and error, there is no “right or wrong” and ultimately one must trust their instincts. If something is just taking too much out of you, ruining your relationship, your health, your financial situation, then you are probably not going in the right direction. How can the body be fertile when consuming so much energy fighting stress?

Take a step back and see how to make things work more smoothly or leave them alone.

​And most importantly, when a woman comes to me for a consultation or visit at my clinic, I tell her that our goal is for her to feel healthy and strong. She, herself, counts and is a person. She has to feel good about herself and take care of herself, because if not, how is it worth it?

We look at her as a whole person, not just a baby-making factory. If she and her partner are eating balanced, taking care of themselves emotionally, physically, mentally, then at least they know that what they are doing is something positive and in the right direction. Again, no one can make anyone promises as to what efforts will produce the desired results and which ones won't. Do trust your intuition and know that you deserve to take care of yourself, for yourself, not just for the fertility journey.

​Sleep. 


What is sleep? What's the purpose of it?
I look at the word sleep (in Hebrew ) sheina שינה and I see that it's very similar to the word for change (in Hebrew) shinui שינוי.

When we sleep we give our bodies and our minds the opportunity to "stock-up", to become rejuvenated and re-energized for a new day.  Our neshama (soul) actually goes back to HaKadosh Baruchu, it gets an infusion before coming back to us upon awakening.

Sleep allows the path to change.

When I have a hard day I go to sleep, and I tell myself that this sleep will bring me to a new day, a new beginning. Yes, sleep is a tool that can actually bring me to change.

What if I don't get any sleep?

It's a problem. I don't give myself a fundamental ingredient in the process of growth. Really, sleep has to be on the list of top priority. 

What if all I want to do is sleep? I'm feeling low, unmotivated, down? I don't want to face a certain reality.

It too is problem, I hold myself back from going forward. The purpose of sleep is so that we can wake up with strength to serve Hashem and trust that He can give me what I need to fulfill my potential for today. 

In both these circumstances I don't give myself what I need to make change happen or to get it started. 

Before I sleep at night I pray that whatever sleep I get-and we all know that at different stages of life the amount is and isn't in our control-should be exactly what my mind and body needs to restock for the next day. I pray that the sleep should be a catalyst for change, the pathway to a new beginning, a new day.

So what is sleep?

It's a fundamental tool. It's vital for my mental, emotional, physical and yes, spiritual well-being.

Sleep allows the pathway to change.

​Hashem came to us in the Sinai Desert (Midbar Sinai) in this week's parsha, Bamidbar, and told Moshe to "count us"- We were counted individually and counted according to our families. 

In the desert there is nothing.  No city. No big markets or stores. No buildings. It's desolate, apparently bare.

And in that is where Hashem counted us.

It was before entering into the Land of Israel, before Zebulun became a great tribe of merchants or before Asher produced rich oil. This was before Gad, Dan-were mighty warriors. Before we conquered the land. No one was yet a scholar or a great agricultural producer. And there in the desert, without working or settling, there Hashem counted us. 

There He told us, "You are dear to me, I love you. YOU count, just for being you. Just for the fact that are part of this nation, part of a family. Just for you, not what you do.

I'm not exactly sure why they call it in English the book of "Numbers" . במידבר-Bamidbar means "In the desert"...

Desert- Midbar, it's the place where at last we can "medaber מדבר" talk. 

The desert, where there are no distractions, extras or thrills, where there is nothing nor no one to compare him to, her to, you to. Where you find satiety in water and have the opportunity to see beauty-raw, pure beauty that exists in nature untouched by man. The desert, where there is nothing except for a massive space, a huge possibility to fill yourself up with the beauty of silence. Where you have the space and the quiet to listen to the words of Hashem, the words of your heart, the words of a loved one. It's the place where one is and not what one does.

Desert. Midbar. Medaber. Talk

Take one minute of your day and put yourself in the "desert". Close your eyes and block everything else out. 

Talk.

Talk to yourself, to your neshama.
Talk to Hashem.
Talk to someone you love after you turned everything else off.









I'm not exactly sure why they call it in English the book of "Numbers" . במידבר-Bamidbar means "In the desert"...

Desert- Midbar, it's the place where at last we can "medaber מדבר" talk. 

The desert, where there are no distractions, extras or thrills, where there is nothing nor no one to compare him to, her to, you to. Where you find satiety in water and have the opportunity to see beauty-raw, pure beauty that exists in nature untouched by man. The desert, where there is nothing except for a massive space, a huge possibility to fill yourself up with the beauty of silence. Where you have the space and the quiet to listen to the words of Hashem, the words of your heart, the words of a loved one. It's the place where one is and not what one does.

Desert. Midbar. Medaber. Talk

Take one minute of your day and put yourself in the "desert". Close your eyes and block everything else out. 

Talk.

Talk to yourself, to your neshama.
Talk to Hashem.
Talk to someone you love after you turned everything else off.

I don’t want to hear it. I don’t want to hear the excuses. I don’t want to tell them to myself either because I know that I do all the time. It’s like she forgets or I forget. We need reminding.

She’s tired or she’s irritable. She’s hungry.

Of course, because she goes and she goes and she doesn’t rest or she doesn’t eat. She forgets or she gets distracted or she doesn’t realize how important it really is.

​I give her practical, easy ideas to take care of herself. I understand that she’s stretched in a million directions and it’s not the time to sit down for gourmet meals or indulge reading with her feet up. It’s not the time in her life and that’s also a blessing. But she’s forgetting the basics. She’s forgetting that her body is a vessel of holiness and you can’t give if you’re empty.
She needs reminding. I need reminding. You need reminding.

And the Lord spoke to Moses, saying, Speak to the entire congregation of the children of Israel, and say to them, You shall be holy, for I, the Lord, your God, am holy (Vayikra 19:1-2)

That’s right. She’s holy and you’re holy because G-d is Holy and He is that holiest part within you. So, to a precious holy vessel what do we do? We take care of it. We honor it. We treat it with respect. We don’t want it to break or crack. We want it intact so that it can be full of holiness and light.

I remind her and I remind myself that it takes work to take care of yourself. But the work in itself is holy.  

Practical tips for healthy quick snacks for the busy woman:


Hard boiled egg with a cucumber and tomato-vegetable sticks
Natural Yogurt
Dates with almonds and nuts
Rice cake/whole grain cracker with raw sesame seed butter (tehina)/almond butter/peanut butter/avocado
Piece of fruit
Omelet (egg with zucchini, vegetables, etc.)
Raw vegetables with  raw sesame seed butter (tehina)/almond butter/peanut butter/avocado
Oats, date silan, coconut butter bars (mix 3 cups of oats, 1/2 cups of date silan, 1/4 coconut oil, cinnamon-heat over stove top to mix, bake for 10 minutes in the oven. Let cool and break into granola bars)

Cool Down I can´t tell you how many women describe to me similar feelings after the holidays are over. There’s so much work and preparation a climax and then….what is it? A let-down? “That was it? It’s over? Am I changed? Did I really grow? Achieve anything spiritual?”

For some there’s sadness. Others, an overwhelming sensation of, “So much work now to get everyone back on track!” Or maybe you’re feeling relief? “Finally, routine again.” For the overwhelmed mother, “Everyone is out of the house! I have some space, some quiet, some time to myself.” For the single woman, “At last I don’t have to worry about where I am going for which meal. All that no-work, no-schedule, unstructured time. I can’t deal with it.”

So we have our warm-up: Elul; our work-out: Tishrei; and now…the cool down?

​Yes, the cool down. You need some cool-down. Whether it’s to acknowledge sadness, feel relief, tackle being overwhelmed…don’t just jump into the next activity of life.

Take a minute, just one or two, close your eyes and gain awareness of what you are feeling. Take a moment, just one or two, and write down a goal that you can work this month of Mar Cheshvon. A month of transition and a month which contains more opportunity for change and growth than we realize.