Moshe Chaim!

Now the story behind the name...

Eight years ago, I walked into Share Tzedek on Ta’anit Esther (Fast of Esther), the 13th of Adar having had a miscarriage. When we left the hospital later that night after the D & C it was already Purim. I turned to my husband in the elevator on our way out and said, “Mazel tov. We didn’t have a baby, but we have a neshama (soul) and after 120 years we will meet this neshama in Shamayim (Heaven).”
Purim, that year was challenging to say the least.

Fast forward six years and my father in-law zt’l passed away on Ta’anit Esther, my husband entered Purim as an avel (mourner) and the whole world turned upside down with Corona.
Purim, that year was challenging to say the least.

The following year, last year, was my father in-law’s one-year yahrzeit. That night started a special three-day Purim celebration in Jerusalem. We listened to the Megillah. The next morning, erev Shabbat Purim, Feb 26th, I awoke early and went to the hear Megillah reading. I returned home and made challah, just in time to get a call from one of my clients that she was in labor.

Shortly after I went to the hospital, Share Tzedek, thanking Hashem that I had been able to hear the Megilla and also take challah. I prayed that it would go smoothly and that maybe I would even be able to make it back in time for Shabbes.  It was a first birth and it progressed, but as most first births the baby was taking his time. As it got closer to Shabbat I found myself in a dilemma, for the first time in a dozen years of being a doula I was at a birth and I was supposed to go to the mikvah that night. 

Had it been a weekday, I could somehow have arranged to find a way to drive to a mikvah that was opened very late at night or to call a baalanit (mikvah attendant) and arrange for her to meet me when the labor was finished, but it was to going to be on Shabbat and not only that, this was still during Corona when appointments to the mikvah were required. It was also so close to Shabbat, and I couldn't find a backup to take my place at that point.
What would be would be, it was out of my hands, but I had to try.

I made phone calls to figure out which mikvah was closest to Share Tzedek hospital and until when they would wait for me. 
At that point my laboring woman decided that she wanted to take an epidural and she wanted to go to sleep.  I turned to her and her husband and asked them if it was okay for me to quickly go home, shower and change for Shabbat, light my Shabbes candles, bless my children and then walk back to the hospital. I told them I would hurry and not be long.
They told me, “Go, it’s fine.” The woman went to sleep and I hurried home.

I took my bath, got ready for the holy Sabbath, lit my candles, blessed my children and then started to walk back to the hospital, but first stopped at the mikvah, grateful that I had been able to do, with a bit of mesirat nefesh, the three mitzvot of the woman that day. I walked back to the hospital and a baby boy was born at 10:30 PM that Shabbat, Shushan Purim, Feb 26th night.

I then walked back home, another forty-minute walk, again grateful that Hashem had done such chesed with me that I was able to do all these mitzvas. I had no idea what would be in a year’s time to come…

Three months later we packed up our belongings in boxes and moved to a different apartment. My road to motherhood, and each child that we were blessed with Baruch Hashem, had been one of many prayers, laughter and tears and at 43 I felt grateful that Hashem had blessed me with five children and that it was time to let go. To give away the crib, the baby clothes, the maternity clothes, the nursing items.

We moved and that week Hashem blessed me with another child growing in my womb.

The due date…for the month of Adar.

My father, Shmuel Moshe ben Nechemia z’l, passed away the week before Chanukah and I sat shiva (mourning), six months pregnant, sick with Corona. The already challenging pregnancy became that much more challenging physically and of course emotionally, but b’chesdei (with the kindness of) Hashem, we made it and it was already once again Adar, the month of Purim, the month of simcha, except this year is a “pregnant year” a leap year and we celebrate two Adars.

Many times, I kept thinking that I was in labor, but I was not and then Purim katan passed and so did Shabbes. Another week passed and once again I thought on Thursday that I was in labor and I was not. Friday, erev Shabbes Kodesh, Shabbes m’varechim, Shabbes Shaklim, I awoke early and made my challah. Contractions came and went here and there.

I lit my Shabbes candles and then the labor really began. Shabbes morning, Feb 26th my husband and I were once again in Share Tzedek, but this time for the birth of my son.

The midwife who delivered my baby was named Ayala. Her name reminded me of Ayalat Hashachar, the Psalm that we say on Ta’anit Esther and Purim, the darkest moment in the night, says the Malbim, before the rising of the sun. 
Haman drew lots to see which month was the best to destroy the Jews and he came up with the month of Adar. Why? Because it was the month that Moshe Rabbeinu passed away. However, this month was also the month that Moshe Rabbeinu was born…

And so “vayefuchu” upside down. The month of challenge became the month of simcha (joy).
It is written that when a child is born it brings consolation to the family in mourning. It certainly brings bracha (blessing) and simcha to the world.

There is a connection between Chanukah and Purim, the two holidays that are rabbinic and will stay even after Mashiach comes. My father in-law passed away right before Purim two years ago and my father passed away right before Chanukah this year. Hashem blessed us with a baby boy in Adar.

It is also written that within the נשמה, the soul, we have the word שם which is "name". The name is the essence of the person and it is written that parents are imbued with a certain holy spirit, a certain Divine intuition when choosing the name of their child.

Now, we come to the name of our dear son….Moshe Chaim!

The month of Adar, in which Moshe passed away and was born, turned from suffering to celebration. With “life”, Chaim, everything turned around.

Our son’s brit milah, when he was named, was on Shabbes Kodesh, Parshat Pikudah, when Moshe, after seeing that the nation did all that Hashem commanded them to do to build the mishkan (the “dwelling” place of the Divine Presence, and today our home), blessed them.

Moshe Chaim is also the name of the Ramchal (Mesilat Yersharim, Derech Hashem).

May our Moshe Chaim bring blessing to all Am Yisrael and give nachat ruach to Hashem and as my husband pointed out, his initials Moshe Chaim ben Shlomo, מ. ח.ש. also make up the word שמח, to be happy, and when ה, for Hashem, is added it’s SIMCHA שמחה!

משנכנס אדר מרבים בשמה!


MAZEL TOV!!!!

B’chesdei Hashem, with gratitude to HaKadosh Baruchu,

Elana

​I have been up so many hours now I am not sure how I'm still awake as I haven't slept in over forty hours, a combination of feeling like I myself gave birth and of Shavuos night, but I wanted to share this before it leaves me.


A very long day I had yesterday that started very very early in the morning. 
One thing to the next I went where Hashem took me.

After a class and picking up my son's laundry from his yeshiva gate I made my way to the hospital. It was already very very late.

All night long I was with "Sarah" at the hospital, with her in her labor. There was a moment when it wasn't night, but it still wasn't day. It was so late and so early. 

We shared some moments and "Sarah" told me a bit of her and her husband, let's call him "Avraham's" meeting, their journey. They had already been married for quite a few years and had been told that their chances of having children were slim and having a child naturally was impossible.

I repeat.

Impossible.

I'm telling you this story. It's still fresh, it happened this morning. I was there.

Well "Avraham" and "Sarah" after deciding that they couldn't take anymore failed treatments, quit. The next month baruch Hashem, thank G-d, Sarah conceived. Yes, naturally.

I was there, all night and all morning....

And somewhere in the labor I remembered that this week is parshat Vayera. The parsha when the angels came to tell Avraham that he and his barren wife Sarah, old people well beyond their fertile years, would have a son. 

There was laughter.

Laughter in faith and laughter in, how could the impossible be possible? Or maybe it's possible, but who am I to think that I'm worthy to have the impossible happen to me?

You see when the angels came to Avraham and Sarah, they were indeed great and had passed many tests, but they still were just a couple, an old man and an old woman sitting in a tent.

EXTRAORDINARY, but also ORDINARY people who had tests, trials, ups and downs, worked very hard and really, they didn't have it easy. To them Hashem said the impossible according to nature will be miraculously naturally possible and from these two people a nation came forth and their descendants continue to grow miraculously and naturally.

The week of Vayera couldn't have been a more perfect time for their precious baby girl to be born. It was not at the crack of dawn and not at dusk but in the middle of the day at an ordinary hour on an ordinary, non holiday, nothing special weekday. 

A miracle, baruch Hashem.

The midwives today had no idea why the sobbing and tears from Avraham and Sarah (and myself as well!) as the baby was born because they didn't know their story, didn't know all that they had gone through and all that they had done. They didn't know that this baby was more than your usual miracle.

An important thought to hold onto and then I'm going off to sleep is that....

Avraham and Sarah were (and are) real people.
Miracles do happen to extraordinary ordinary people.
The impossible when placed in Hashem's Hands is still possible.


May we always share in such beautiful moments; be meritorious to see them happening.

​I try to teach my children not to judge by the "uniform" of what people wear. Not to get caught up with it. It's not the clothes which make a person, it's the person and their deeds which define who a person really is. 


Because you see clothes you take on and you take off. 


If I wear a chassidish garb today it doesn't make me a chassid and if I wear a Mexican pancho it doesn't make me Mexican.  

But, and this is a big but, they do influence. They influence how people perceive me and even how I perceive myself. 

Clothing is to the body what all our outside influences are to our soul.

Everything outside of me doesn't define who I am nor should it control my state of being. Happiness is a state of being and so is being sad. I can put it on or take it off. Just like a shirt or a skirt. BUT, and here we have a big but, it influences.  

So what does this mean? 

It means that just as when I dress it influences how people perceive me and how I perceive myself, so too when I surround myself with positivity or negativity it influences how I feel.

Can I build myself up so strong that nothing should matter, that nothing defines me more than I am? Wouldn't that be wonderful? Yes, but I think only at times and in theory. 

So practically I do what I can to surround myself in positivity. To surround myself in beauty and kedusha (holiness). It's not what makes me, but it influences me.

And when I can't? When there is a test and it pulls me down? When there is too much going on around me that I can't change or control? I go back to remembering that this doesn't define me. It can change like a shirt or a skirt.

​Anxiety. According to the dictionary anxiety is  a feeling of worry, nervousness, or unease, typically about an imminent event or something with an uncertain outcome.


What can we do when we feel anxious? 

The Three "A"s plus...Awareness, Acknowledgement, Acceptance plus Action

We will go through each one...

Awareness. Tune into yourself. What are you anxious about? Can you define it? Where do you feel it in your body? Just have an awareness of it without judging it. 

Now let this awareness flow and open your eyes to an awareness of Hashem. How? Take a step back and ask Him to help you tune into His presence from the smallest things to the biggest things in life. Just having awareness of Hashem's presence, that's He's taking care of you is calming.

I went to the supermarket and there were five scales to self-weigh your fruits and vegetables. I grabbed my onions to weigh at the exact same time that I approached a certain scale that, without my knowing it, the person before me had weighed onions as well. Meaning I didn't have to do a search on the computer for "onions". 

"What are the chances of that? What a chesed!" I thought to myself. 

I felt totally aware of Hashem's kindness in yes, an everyday matter. And this awareness brought me to simple joy. It's a feeling of "I'm being taken care of."

Bring more Awareness into your life. Awareness of yourself-your feelings, emotions, your body. Awareness of your surroundings. Awareness of Hashem. 

Acknowledgement. 

Creating awareness opens up the space to allow us to acknowledge and appreciate. When we recognize all the good bestowed upon us this leads to gratitude. 

It's who we are. יהודים. (Yehudim-Jews). From the word להודות (l'hodot)-gratitude, to thank. We are a people of gratitude and this gratitude is what connects us to Hashem, but first we need to acknowledge what we are grateful for so that we can appreciate it!

Last night at the birth that I attended the statistics were not in the woman's favor for a natural birth. Her first had been a emergency cesarean. Now this baby, the day before, was already estimated at over 9.5 lbs, his head was titled to the side instead of down. 

We tuned into an awareness that anything can happen because Hashem is the one running the show. And there was still a chance, no matter how small that she could have a natural delivery. 

First we saw Hashem's Hand that while she was waiting for doctor's decisions the head turned down. Then a few hours later contractions started on their own. Each step of the way this woman smiled and said, "I am in 7th heaven! I'm feeling a natural contraction, I'm in the birthing room." She said this while in pain and hooked up to many tubes and monitors. She kept seeing all the good and acknowledged each step of the process for what it was, a miracle. She kept thanking Hashem and those of us who were with her. 

And then everything was once again looking dire. The baby's heartbeat kept going down, meconium in her waters. her birth which was progrossing stopped. The doctor's told her that there was no choice and were about to wheel her into the operating room. She kept her composure when I think another would break down. 

She acknowledged the doctor's efforts and asked for a few more minutes. 

They were empathetic but insistent. There was a bit of back and forth and then a miracle happened and the baby was ready to come out. A 9lb plus baby delivered within a few miraculous minutes. Everyone cried.

Yes, a miracle. Big things and little things that occur with each breath.

 Acknowledge one area of your life, one thing where you feel gratitude, where you feel grateful. Acknowledge the people in your life. Create closeness by showing gratitude. 

Instead of  pointing out what’s not working, what went wrong or what is lacking, redirect the negativity by noticing what worked, what did go right and what there is.  
 
When I become aware of the constant kindness and miracles in my life both with regards to Hashem and to those around me, the energy involved from feeling anxious changes directions into a positive energy of gratitude and appreciation.  It gives me hope. I have what to hold onto. It creates connection.


Acknowledge one area of your life, one thing where you feel gratitude, where you feel grateful. It steers the energy involved from feeling anxious to a positive energy of gratitude. 

Acceptance. Such a hard one! To accept that I have no control. To make Hashem's will our will. This one is too hard. It is. So we take a step back and ask Hashem to help us. 

Hashem, help me that I should be able to make YOUR will my will.

Help me to just let go.

To go with what there is, who that person is, what the situation is. To accept and move on. 

With acceptance comes relief. It's a total letting go of control. It's accepting that there are things beyond my responsibilities or capabilities of doing anything about and those things I just need to let go and leave alone. 

Anything else that is within my responsibility and domain to do something about I have to put in the effort.  I take ACTION reminding myself that action is effort. Our effort in itself equates success. The outcomes, in Hashem's hands.

It is so humbling- the process of trying to bring a life into this world. With all the advancements in medicine and with all the latest technology we still return to the same conclusion which is we know so little and lack control.
I will never know why one treatment works for one couple and why one doesn’t. When it comes to conception, a healthy pregnancy, and birth there are simply no formulas, no givens. And so when a woman comes to me and asks me for guidance, direction- we try to educate and give over information. We offer advice and yes, we do look for answers, but in the end, I always tell women on their journey from conception to birth that really, really we have no control. What will work for one, won’t for another and ultimately, I don’t know why except for the simple answer that especially in this matter, we lack control.

So how should a couple approach fertility? When to go to a doctor and seek medical advice and when to run from it! What modalities work and which ones should they stay far away from?

When a couple is facing the challenge of infertility, miscarriage, a high-risk pregnancy, the answers on google are way too contradictory and confusing. What should one do?

My first suggestion, the hardest, but still doable.

Relinquish control and take a step back in the quest to find all the answers. There are just some things that will never be revealed and some questions that don’t have answers. There is no magic diet or method, no magic procedure. It’s a bit of trial and error, there is no “right or wrong” and ultimately one must trust their instincts. If something is just taking too much out of you, ruining your relationship, your health, your financial situation, then you are probably not going in the right direction. How can the body be fertile when consuming so much energy fighting stress?

Take a step back and see how to make things work more smoothly or leave them alone.

​And most importantly, when a woman comes to me for a consultation or visit at my clinic, I tell her that our goal is for her to feel healthy and strong. She, herself, counts and is a person. She has to feel good about herself and take care of herself, because if not, how is it worth it?

We look at her as a whole person, not just a baby-making factory. If she and her partner are eating balanced, taking care of themselves emotionally, physically, mentally, then at least they know that what they are doing is something positive and in the right direction. Again, no one can make anyone promises as to what efforts will produce the desired results and which ones won't. Do trust your intuition and know that you deserve to take care of yourself, for yourself, not just for the fertility journey.