It is so humbling- the process of trying to bring a life into this world. With all the advancements in medicine and with all the latest technology we still return to the same conclusion which is we know so little and lack control.
I will never know why one treatment works for one couple and why one doesn’t. When it comes to conception, a healthy pregnancy, and birth there are simply no formulas, no givens. And so when a woman comes to me and asks me for guidance, direction- we try to educate and give over information. We offer advice and yes, we do look for answers, but in the end, I always tell women on their journey from conception to birth that really, really we have no control. What will work for one, won’t for another and ultimately, I don’t know why except for the simple answer that especially in this matter, we lack control.

So how should a couple approach fertility? When to go to a doctor and seek medical advice and when to run from it! What modalities work and which ones should they stay far away from?

When a couple is facing the challenge of infertility, miscarriage, a high-risk pregnancy, the answers on google are way too contradictory and confusing. What should one do?

My first suggestion, the hardest, but still doable.

Relinquish control and take a step back in the quest to find all the answers. There are just some things that will never be revealed and some questions that don’t have answers. There is no magic diet or method, no magic procedure. It’s a bit of trial and error, there is no “right or wrong” and ultimately one must trust their instincts. If something is just taking too much out of you, ruining your relationship, your health, your financial situation, then you are probably not going in the right direction. How can the body be fertile when consuming so much energy fighting stress?

Take a step back and see how to make things work more smoothly or leave them alone.

​And most importantly, when a woman comes to me for a consultation or visit at my clinic, I tell her that our goal is for her to feel healthy and strong. She, herself, counts and is a person. She has to feel good about herself and take care of herself, because if not, how is it worth it?

We look at her as a whole person, not just a baby-making factory. If she and her partner are eating balanced, taking care of themselves emotionally, physically, mentally, then at least they know that what they are doing is something positive and in the right direction. Again, no one can make anyone promises as to what efforts will produce the desired results and which ones won't. Do trust your intuition and know that you deserve to take care of yourself, for yourself, not just for the fertility journey.

​Sleep. 


What is sleep? What's the purpose of it?
I look at the word sleep (in Hebrew ) sheina שינה and I see that it's very similar to the word for change (in Hebrew) shinui שינוי.

When we sleep we give our bodies and our minds the opportunity to "stock-up", to become rejuvenated and re-energized for a new day.  Our neshama (soul) actually goes back to HaKadosh Baruchu, it gets an infusion before coming back to us upon awakening.

Sleep allows the path to change.

When I have a hard day I go to sleep, and I tell myself that this sleep will bring me to a new day, a new beginning. Yes, sleep is a tool that can actually bring me to change.

What if I don't get any sleep?

It's a problem. I don't give myself a fundamental ingredient in the process of growth. Really, sleep has to be on the list of top priority. 

What if all I want to do is sleep? I'm feeling low, unmotivated, down? I don't want to face a certain reality.

It too is problem, I hold myself back from going forward. The purpose of sleep is so that we can wake up with strength to serve Hashem and trust that He can give me what I need to fulfill my potential for today. 

In both these circumstances I don't give myself what I need to make change happen or to get it started. 

Before I sleep at night I pray that whatever sleep I get-and we all know that at different stages of life the amount is and isn't in our control-should be exactly what my mind and body needs to restock for the next day. I pray that the sleep should be a catalyst for change, the pathway to a new beginning, a new day.

So what is sleep?

It's a fundamental tool. It's vital for my mental, emotional, physical and yes, spiritual well-being.

Sleep allows the pathway to change.

​Hashem came to us in the Sinai Desert (Midbar Sinai) in this week's parsha, Bamidbar, and told Moshe to "count us"- We were counted individually and counted according to our families. 

In the desert there is nothing.  No city. No big markets or stores. No buildings. It's desolate, apparently bare.

And in that is where Hashem counted us.

It was before entering into the Land of Israel, before Zebulun became a great tribe of merchants or before Asher produced rich oil. This was before Gad, Dan-were mighty warriors. Before we conquered the land. No one was yet a scholar or a great agricultural producer. And there in the desert, without working or settling, there Hashem counted us. 

There He told us, "You are dear to me, I love you. YOU count, just for being you. Just for the fact that are part of this nation, part of a family. Just for you, not what you do.

I'm not exactly sure why they call it in English the book of "Numbers" . במידבר-Bamidbar means "In the desert"...

Desert- Midbar, it's the place where at last we can "medaber מדבר" talk. 

The desert, where there are no distractions, extras or thrills, where there is nothing nor no one to compare him to, her to, you to. Where you find satiety in water and have the opportunity to see beauty-raw, pure beauty that exists in nature untouched by man. The desert, where there is nothing except for a massive space, a huge possibility to fill yourself up with the beauty of silence. Where you have the space and the quiet to listen to the words of Hashem, the words of your heart, the words of a loved one. It's the place where one is and not what one does.

Desert. Midbar. Medaber. Talk

Take one minute of your day and put yourself in the "desert". Close your eyes and block everything else out. 

Talk.

Talk to yourself, to your neshama.
Talk to Hashem.
Talk to someone you love after you turned everything else off.









I'm not exactly sure why they call it in English the book of "Numbers" . במידבר-Bamidbar means "In the desert"...

Desert- Midbar, it's the place where at last we can "medaber מדבר" talk. 

The desert, where there are no distractions, extras or thrills, where there is nothing nor no one to compare him to, her to, you to. Where you find satiety in water and have the opportunity to see beauty-raw, pure beauty that exists in nature untouched by man. The desert, where there is nothing except for a massive space, a huge possibility to fill yourself up with the beauty of silence. Where you have the space and the quiet to listen to the words of Hashem, the words of your heart, the words of a loved one. It's the place where one is and not what one does.

Desert. Midbar. Medaber. Talk

Take one minute of your day and put yourself in the "desert". Close your eyes and block everything else out. 

Talk.

Talk to yourself, to your neshama.
Talk to Hashem.
Talk to someone you love after you turned everything else off.

I don’t want to hear it. I don’t want to hear the excuses. I don’t want to tell them to myself either because I know that I do all the time. It’s like she forgets or I forget. We need reminding.

She’s tired or she’s irritable. She’s hungry.

Of course, because she goes and she goes and she doesn’t rest or she doesn’t eat. She forgets or she gets distracted or she doesn’t realize how important it really is.

​I give her practical, easy ideas to take care of herself. I understand that she’s stretched in a million directions and it’s not the time to sit down for gourmet meals or indulge reading with her feet up. It’s not the time in her life and that’s also a blessing. But she’s forgetting the basics. She’s forgetting that her body is a vessel of holiness and you can’t give if you’re empty.
She needs reminding. I need reminding. You need reminding.

And the Lord spoke to Moses, saying, Speak to the entire congregation of the children of Israel, and say to them, You shall be holy, for I, the Lord, your God, am holy (Vayikra 19:1-2)

That’s right. She’s holy and you’re holy because G-d is Holy and He is that holiest part within you. So, to a precious holy vessel what do we do? We take care of it. We honor it. We treat it with respect. We don’t want it to break or crack. We want it intact so that it can be full of holiness and light.

I remind her and I remind myself that it takes work to take care of yourself. But the work in itself is holy.  

Practical tips for healthy quick snacks for the busy woman:


Hard boiled egg with a cucumber and tomato-vegetable sticks
Natural Yogurt
Dates with almonds and nuts
Rice cake/whole grain cracker with raw sesame seed butter (tehina)/almond butter/peanut butter/avocado
Piece of fruit
Omelet (egg with zucchini, vegetables, etc.)
Raw vegetables with  raw sesame seed butter (tehina)/almond butter/peanut butter/avocado
Oats, date silan, coconut butter bars (mix 3 cups of oats, 1/2 cups of date silan, 1/4 coconut oil, cinnamon-heat over stove top to mix, bake for 10 minutes in the oven. Let cool and break into granola bars)

Cool Down I can´t tell you how many women describe to me similar feelings after the holidays are over. There’s so much work and preparation a climax and then….what is it? A let-down? “That was it? It’s over? Am I changed? Did I really grow? Achieve anything spiritual?”

For some there’s sadness. Others, an overwhelming sensation of, “So much work now to get everyone back on track!” Or maybe you’re feeling relief? “Finally, routine again.” For the overwhelmed mother, “Everyone is out of the house! I have some space, some quiet, some time to myself.” For the single woman, “At last I don’t have to worry about where I am going for which meal. All that no-work, no-schedule, unstructured time. I can’t deal with it.”

So we have our warm-up: Elul; our work-out: Tishrei; and now…the cool down?

​Yes, the cool down. You need some cool-down. Whether it’s to acknowledge sadness, feel relief, tackle being overwhelmed…don’t just jump into the next activity of life.

Take a minute, just one or two, close your eyes and gain awareness of what you are feeling. Take a moment, just one or two, and write down a goal that you can work this month of Mar Cheshvon. A month of transition and a month which contains more opportunity for change and growth than we realize.

Self-care as I prepare for a three-day holiday? Sukkot around the corner, cooking, cleaning, preparing meals, hosted, being hosted. It’s exhausting. There’s no structure and you have SOOOO much that you need to do, that needs to get done. What can you do?

IS there such a thing as self-care for a woman in preparation of the holidays? Yes, there is. What’s the first step?

Let go.
That’s right.
Let go.

So you don’t have control of what your host will serve you and there is too much food.
Way too much.
Too many desserts, too much temptation.
You don’t have time to exercise or to “chill out” and take a rest.

You’re doing holy work and it’s hard.

Let go.

​Not of the work, of your expectations. Don’t take the holidays as an excuse to lose control. Neither mentally, emotionally, nor physically. But let go. It’s a special time of the year and this is the self-care work that you need to work on – letting go. Do the best that you can and know that after things settle down, a month of boring routine is around the corner and you will get back on track.

Stay focused. Appreciate all your hard work and effort. Do the best that you can with what you can and remember that this is the month of growth, spiritual self-care, and hard work. It won’t last forever. And ironically, when the holidays are over, we will miss the excitement and the buzz!

Waiting for What? I’m just waiting for…the kids to go back to school, summer to end, to start my new job, to start classes, to to to….

I know, we are all “just waiting for” that thing to start and then we are going to start…exercising, eating better, drinking more water, taking time for ourselves, going to that class, learning that….

I know.

You know what – don’t wait. Just start.

It’s not all or nothing. You don’t have an hour now to exercise? Of course not. It’s the summer and no routine is the routine. You can make time for ten minutes though. Ten minutes. Do some jumping jacks, dance, jog in place. It’s hard to make healthy food right now, grab some almonds, eat a piece of fruit, make an omelet with eggs and vegetables. You just ate healthy and it wasn’t too complicated. No time for reading or learning? Small goals, read one page, listen to a class while you cook or clean. Drink a glass of water instead of a sugary drink. You just did something big and it seems small.

Don’t wait for next month, the beginning of the year.

​Don’t wait. Start now. Start small. You can do it.

 I look at my two-year old’s belly. He has a fascination with his belly button, so we see the belly a lot as he lifts up his shirt to play with it. His beautiful round belly. I watch how it goes in and out as he breathes. It’s soft and relaxed.

I look down at my own belly. It certainly isn’t going in and out. It’s certainly not relaxed, but tight and held in. I notice my breathing. It’s so shallow and in my chest. Where does the breath go? Where doesn’t it go?

I place my hands on my body. One on my heart and one on my belly. I close my eyes and allow myself to take a deep breath. The belly fills with air as I inhale. It goes back in as I exhale. With this breath my body relaxes. It’s cleansed. I allow the blood to flow with all the hormones and nutrients in it.

​I return to a natural state of childhood where I can just be present and live in the moment. A moment of harmony and serenity. A moment of acceptance and love. A moment of life. Take a deep belly breath. Try it. See where it takes you. See where you go.